No it wasn't a date. It wasn't anything of that sort...Let's just say that it was rendezvous. A rendezvous of two old friends who've had the same admiration for each other for the longest time!haha...kidding! The night I must say could pass for my "heaven"...seriously. It was the first time that I was in a conversation that wasn't purely small talk. It was something that I did not experience even with my significant other. Intimate? nope, perhaps not. But definitely stimulating! (to the mind that is! haha..). I missed YOU!...I swear! It was a good thing that we met again after..uhh..let me see..when was the last time we hung out? 2007?!haha
Moving on... It was all because of that inspiring night, which caused me to start blogging..."Kung hindi mo maisip pano, isulat mo.ganun ginagawa namin sa bahay eh.write down the pro's and con's..It'll help you figure things out.." However, honestly, I really don't think that I would have to write down the pro's and con's of this rut (for the lack of a more appropriate term) that I am in, to be able to see things "in perspective". Like what I said last night, "yun nga yung problema eh. I know what to do. I just have to push myself to do it!And I apparently, can't bring myself to that next step.." crap!
But this is inspiring. Just like last night and I thank you for that my friend - soon to be lover!hahaha... I love messing around with you! Sensible ka nga kasi my friend! (Honestly, hindi ko masyado makita yung connection dun...uhh... BITE ME!Haha)
Moving on...I'm just really psyched that I have had a taste of heaven! haha..Yeah I know, I still remember what I said, that my heaven wouldn't be something that's really typical - something that's pure bliss..I would prefer it to be a time in my life when I was total wreck! But then again, I remember saying that it would be a time in my life wherein I was able to learn a lot! And yep, I sure learned a lot last night! Thanks to you! And let me just add, you were consistent all the way!Did not falter, not once - no siree! Hahaha
Recap...
What were the things that we talked about last night?Let me see.. First of, we talked about this girl whose true identity I will conceal, (for not really being assured of the privacy policy of blog spot) and will now be known as SALLY! Why Sally, you may ask? It is simply because, Sally sells sea shealle's on the seashore. Haha. Good one! Applause for me senyor! haha...
This is what I have to say...to you, yes you!
You have to find someone who will be there for the long haul. Someone who'll ride with you in the limousine, and most importantly, who will still be with you to ride the pedicab (haha.I couldn't possibly think of anything more degrading in comparison to a limousine!) when it breaks down. You deserve that. You just like your best friend, (who I miss to tears!) are two good guys - You guys've shown me that, and I believe that.
But enough about you and Sally, I know you have already moved on (or so you say..haha. kidding!) and I am very proud of you! I am one proud momma!...Naturally, I also keep my hopes up that soon (-er or later??) I would also be able to do the same thing for myself, and you have helped me in many areas of my life, in trying to analyze, realize, rationalize that. You are my Joe d Mango! haha...
By the way, I guess I have to come clean, wala lang... I remember telling you last night kasi that we're not together anymore, that yeah, we aren't technically together but that, it still seems that as if we are. Truth is...that...yes...we still are together. (although, I don't know, but I just have this feeling that you already figured that one out, and that you're just "playing along") we haven't broken up, since that last time that we got back together - I think.. However, it is...it is...it is...Very rocky. We fight alot. The abuse (is abuse the proper term for this??again, abuse is being used for the lack of a better term), has been lessened to "only" verbal and emotional. It's fucked up I know. But yeah, that's the thing...Again, I cannot bring myself to the point of actually letting it all go...I am a person shrouded by fears and insecurities. Fear of the future, Fear of not being..., Fear of basically anything and everything that is unknown. And a primary fear of basically, calling it off, thinking that I can do it without her, and then realizing that, Hell, I surely have fucked this one up.I'm still not over "my lover" (hahaha - remember when we used this last night??), and being the indecisive person that I am, I have made a life changing decision which I couldn't really live with... I also fear, of facing the hardest repercussion of a hastly made decision, which would be that, "my lover" (haha.I really can't get over this...It's so gay senyor!) after suffering from our break up would finally recover and find someone who's way better than who I used to be when we were still together (or worse, a better person than me, altogether!hayy)...Talk about insecurity huh?? Yeah, I know... I know I already told you this last night..But, there was clearly something that I omitted, and just like what I always say..omission is betrayal. We are friends. I don't want to taint the trust of a friend..and so there...yeah...that's just basically the thing...
I am hoping for better days...maybe with you for all we know?! hahaha...
I miss that night...Let's do it again...Invite mon senyor! I really miss him....
LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!:)
and to wrap this up...yeah, I've noticed...It didn't escape my attention that this doesn't really seem to be a blog.. It's like a letter..a love letter??ahahaha.not quite!well, let's just say that this is an ode! And ode to you..for being the person who encouraged me to start blogging! CHEERS!:)
Moving on... It was all because of that inspiring night, which caused me to start blogging..."Kung hindi mo maisip pano, isulat mo.ganun ginagawa namin sa bahay eh.write down the pro's and con's..It'll help you figure things out.." However, honestly, I really don't think that I would have to write down the pro's and con's of this rut (for the lack of a more appropriate term) that I am in, to be able to see things "in perspective". Like what I said last night, "yun nga yung problema eh. I know what to do. I just have to push myself to do it!And I apparently, can't bring myself to that next step.." crap!
But this is inspiring. Just like last night and I thank you for that my friend - soon to be lover!hahaha... I love messing around with you! Sensible ka nga kasi my friend! (Honestly, hindi ko masyado makita yung connection dun...uhh... BITE ME!Haha)
Moving on...I'm just really psyched that I have had a taste of heaven! haha..Yeah I know, I still remember what I said, that my heaven wouldn't be something that's really typical - something that's pure bliss..I would prefer it to be a time in my life when I was total wreck! But then again, I remember saying that it would be a time in my life wherein I was able to learn a lot! And yep, I sure learned a lot last night! Thanks to you! And let me just add, you were consistent all the way!Did not falter, not once - no siree! Hahaha
Recap...
What were the things that we talked about last night?Let me see.. First of, we talked about this girl whose true identity I will conceal, (for not really being assured of the privacy policy of blog spot) and will now be known as SALLY! Why Sally, you may ask? It is simply because, Sally sells sea shealle's on the seashore. Haha. Good one! Applause for me senyor! haha...
This is what I have to say...to you, yes you!
You have to find someone who will be there for the long haul. Someone who'll ride with you in the limousine, and most importantly, who will still be with you to ride the pedicab (haha.I couldn't possibly think of anything more degrading in comparison to a limousine!) when it breaks down. You deserve that. You just like your best friend, (who I miss to tears!) are two good guys - You guys've shown me that, and I believe that.
But enough about you and Sally, I know you have already moved on (or so you say..haha. kidding!) and I am very proud of you! I am one proud momma!...Naturally, I also keep my hopes up that soon (-er or later??) I would also be able to do the same thing for myself, and you have helped me in many areas of my life, in trying to analyze, realize, rationalize that. You are my Joe d Mango! haha...
By the way, I guess I have to come clean, wala lang... I remember telling you last night kasi that we're not together anymore, that yeah, we aren't technically together but that, it still seems that as if we are. Truth is...that...yes...we still are together. (although, I don't know, but I just have this feeling that you already figured that one out, and that you're just "playing along") we haven't broken up, since that last time that we got back together - I think.. However, it is...it is...it is...Very rocky. We fight alot. The abuse (is abuse the proper term for this??again, abuse is being used for the lack of a better term), has been lessened to "only" verbal and emotional. It's fucked up I know. But yeah, that's the thing...Again, I cannot bring myself to the point of actually letting it all go...I am a person shrouded by fears and insecurities. Fear of the future, Fear of not being..., Fear of basically anything and everything that is unknown. And a primary fear of basically, calling it off, thinking that I can do it without her, and then realizing that, Hell, I surely have fucked this one up.I'm still not over "my lover" (hahaha - remember when we used this last night??), and being the indecisive person that I am, I have made a life changing decision which I couldn't really live with... I also fear, of facing the hardest repercussion of a hastly made decision, which would be that, "my lover" (haha.I really can't get over this...It's so gay senyor!) after suffering from our break up would finally recover and find someone who's way better than who I used to be when we were still together (or worse, a better person than me, altogether!hayy)...Talk about insecurity huh?? Yeah, I know... I know I already told you this last night..But, there was clearly something that I omitted, and just like what I always say..omission is betrayal. We are friends. I don't want to taint the trust of a friend..and so there...yeah...that's just basically the thing...
I am hoping for better days...maybe with you for all we know?! hahaha...
I miss that night...Let's do it again...Invite mon senyor! I really miss him....
LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!:)
and to wrap this up...yeah, I've noticed...It didn't escape my attention that this doesn't really seem to be a blog.. It's like a letter..a love letter??ahahaha.not quite!well, let's just say that this is an ode! And ode to you..for being the person who encouraged me to start blogging! CHEERS!:)
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