I CAN AND WILL BE everything she COULD EVER BE...and MORE!

I woke up today feeling a lot of angst in my heart.
Maybe it was caused by various sentiments for the past years that have bottled up, and now has erupted like a volcano. No warnings. No signs. Just a plea that you will be prepared for its coming...

There are a lot of issues that I have to resolve; with other people, and most importantly, with myself.

I have yet to know who I really am. I guess that I am also just like you... I am on a soul searching escapade! I have yet to know who I really am - my purpose, my being, my real essence. To merely zero me in on a certain adjective would be an understatement, and it is not because I have multiple persona's, but it is because I am in many ways a "jack of all trades" (for the lack of a better term), also I have yet to know and settle on an adjective that best suits me (not that I am diminishing my value or essence as a person to a mere adjective).

Today was not good to me at all.
I woke up with a chip on my shoulder.
I believe that I have for the past months. However, I was in the pursuit of a happiness that I thought was for me. And I brushed the thought of me, having a chip in spite of it, having been very apparent and all.

I was going after the wrong things in life.
I have been going after "things" that I thought was what was missing.
I was living, but not really.
I was here; was alive, but then again, not really.

It's more than about missing somebody, or certain people (for that matter) who've touched my life.
It's more on, about me missing out on life.period.

It's not merely about losing your sanity,
It's about me losing me, as an identity - all together!

The chip that I long neglected has now taken it's toll on me
I have now come to realize for one, that this chip on my shoulder
has, and have been for the longest time, like a wick in a candle, consumed my totality as a person.

I have forgotten how to be me...I have forgotten me...I have forgotten, hence lost myself - altogether.


My emotions are welling up inside me. The last time I was like this was when I broke up with my girlfriend. Now, it's all coming back to haunt me again.

However, I will welcome it if I must. After all, it was during those times that I must say, was I "INSPIRED". I was floating, drifting, getting lost in the chaos, and being affected more than ever by the emotions inside me, and still not really giving a damn about "things that really mattered". However, it was because of all of these, that I was able to center more on what was really inside of me, and I was able to channel all the hurts (due to the lies), frustrations (due to expectations - that were not that extravagant - at all! mind you!), and disappointments (due to the answers that were not able to answer the questions at all) to ART. Quite ironic but hey, I guess it's just the way that it is, and I can't really argue with that...

There're things that I can change, but for those which I cannot, I will just accept. Accept and move on.

It all lies upon once tolerance level...This is the time that I will increase mine!!!...

And to life's difficulties and adversities - I know it all comes with a purpose! I will not come out of it undone!!

and so I say...Bring it on MotherFvcker!!!